Sex Addiction Counseling
Matthew T Miller M.Ed, LPC-S
I grew up in a strict Christian home, for which I am grateful. Right and wrong were always clear. The zeal for living righteously brought difficulties. In addition, my family was quite dysfunctional in a number of areas. Shame and loneliness were always with me in varying degrees. Unwanted sexual behaviors provided momentary relief, but only left me in a deeper state of shame and fear of being exposed. What I really wanted and needed was genuine connection which all human beings need for healthy living.
Being a man of faith and conviction, I did what I knew to do. I prayed to God to take my desires away and I repented of my sin. I believed (and still do) God heard and accepted my prayers. As a therapist, I applied to myself what I knew worked for other people. But the behaviors came back. I refused “accountability partners” because I already saw myself as less than….?? I did not want to put myself in a position where I (the lesser) reported to an accountability partner (the greater). I observed that these arrangements did not work long term. None of my efforts were getting to the core of my needs or the obstacles that prevented me from getting these needs met.
In desperation I started therapy with a man who is now a close friend. He did not shame or blame me but met me in my well-guarded state. He taught me to identify my feelings and follow them to their respective sources which were the barriers to my healing. The result has been, as I moved along in healing, the shame that drove the unwanted behaviors dissipated and the conduct went away.
I offer a 5 Phase process (see below) to help men to determine the origins and deterrents that keep them stuck in unwanted behaviors, then work with them to resolve the obstacles. Phase I – Telling your story; Phase II – Looking at the behavior(s); Phase III – What triggers the behavior(s); Phase IV – Resolving the underlying issues; Phase V – Maintenance. This 5 Phase process is always done with respect, in complete confidence and in a non-shaming/blaming manner.
I earned my BA in Elementary Education from the University of Findlay (Ohio) in 1986 and my M.Ed. in counseling in 1994 from Prairie View A&M University.
I look forward to meeting and walking with you on your healing journey. Please give me a call at 713-449-2225 to book you appointment.
Matt Miller is an excellent trauma therapist. His relational approach helps me to be more comfortable to talk about private memories that I would never feel comfortable telling other people. It is rare to find such a friendly, empathetic, highly-skilled, and caring therapist such as Matt. D. Medical Student
Through emotional healing work with EMDR and psychotherapy, Matt was able to help me through many difficult parts of trauma, abuse, sexual addiction and past issues. He is real, approachable and one of the finest therapists in the Houston area. J. Houston, TX
5 PHASE PROCESS
The Five Phase Process is listed and explained in a sequential manner. But working through it, is not always linear. Generally speaking, all the phases will occur in the process bringing the individual to a place of greaterhealing and functioning.
I Unwanted Behaviors
Unwanted behaviors, or the life situations they cause, are often what motivates a client to seek help. Although they can be painful, they are also easily identified. The client will never be shamed or blamed for his behaviors or life circumstances brought on by the behaviors.
Everyone has and experiences life in story. It is uniquely individual and worthy of being told without scrutiny or criticism. Story is always disclosed to the level of the client’s comfort with as much or as little detail as desired. Recounting story gets to the question, “How did I get here?”
III Uncovering Triggers
Unwanted behaviors may occur impulsively, but never in a vacuum. These behaviors always occur in the context of story. The story often gives clues regarding triggers that lead to the maladaptive behaviors and the structures created. This phase can lead to painful information that was not known or was hidden from conscious memory.
IV Resolving the Triggers
Resolution is often the most difficult and most rewarding phase of the process. It takes on different forms such as EMDR, (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), AEDP (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) or somatic forms of therapy. These can lead to some intense emotional experiences, but the therapist is always with the client.
V Integration/ Maintenance
After the client comes through the Resolution Phase, integration becomes necessary. The structures that drove the Unwanted Behavior are defused partially or completely. Living without the previous structures can feel awkward. Urges to go back to old ways are possible. This is when the client engages in intentional behavioral change. It is often accomplished with support of others one day at a time.